Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Can a person be too kind?
I read an article in a health magazine the other day on the topic of being "too kind." I´m thinking that from the time little children start to understand our language we tell them to be kind, but can you bee too kind? I agree with all the advice given in the article but I find that the language is misleading. You often hear people say things like "she is being too kind for her own good".
It´s important not to let people use you or treat you with lack of respect. Every healthy relationship has to inculde two people who both give and take. If you give but seldom get anything back the relationship isn´t healthy. On the other hand I wouldn´t say that the problem is that the person who is being taken advantage of is being "too kind". I would say that the problem is rather that this person isn´t kind enough towards herself. When we are loving towards others and ourselves we are at the same time protecting ourselves from being taken advantage of. If you have a healthy relationship towards yourself you will love, care for and respect yourself. Once you love yourself you can love others without risking being taken advantage of. The advice given in the article pointed out that it´s good to be "a little selfish" sometimes. I would disagree and say that selfishness never leads to anything good, it´s rather selflove that we lack.
Another problem is that we tend to care to much about what other people think of us. If we constantly do everything for others because we are afraid that otherwise they won´t like us then we aren´t being kind towards ourselves. It can be painful to realize that a person you did everything for might not like you if you stop, but people who treat you like that aren´t really worth your devotion anyways. People who love you for real won´t need you to do everything for them, they are happy just to get to be around you. People who love you unconditionally will be happy to serve you just like you serve them.
The better you get at loving yourself, the more likely you are to surround yourself with good people, the users will no longer be able to use you. Once you put your foot down and demand respect you are at the same time helpeing the person who has been using you. The usuer will now be forced to change if he or she wants to keep the relationship close. Letting someone continue to treat you without respect isn´t helping anyone, neither you nor the other person. Most of the positive changes we make to our own behavior we make because there is a demand for it. When you commit lo loving yourself it will be bettter for everyone.